youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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