So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
