I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
