My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize