things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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