I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
