Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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