Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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