You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
