Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
