I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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