My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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