I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
