Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
