I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
