Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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