Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
