you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
