what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
