We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
