We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
