i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
