I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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