loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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