i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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