Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
