I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
