Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
