my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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