fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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