Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize