I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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