Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
