Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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