Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
