dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
