I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
