Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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