Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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