dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
