it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
