I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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