She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize