If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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