her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize