That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
