it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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