I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
