We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
