i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
