Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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