Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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