just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
