Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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