Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
