the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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