I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
