just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
