4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
