your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
