She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
