I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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