If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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