hell yes lets make some ravioli
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
