Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
