Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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