I wish I could teleport
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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