If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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