We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
